cold feet

Hello my peeps (both of you)
It has been a whirlwind 6 weeks of ups and ups and i suppose that its "time" for the inevitable down.
I am still sort of seeing the new man. if you can call spending a ridiculous amount of time on phone calls and sms becasue he lives 150km away "seeing" him. Nothing "bad" has happened im just having a freak out i supose. I think i am actually a commitmentphobic man in disguise as a flaming goddess in disguise as a regular lady-human.

Either that or I want to be a rock star and take lots of coke and travel

or its just not "right". (what the fuck do i WANT ??? I am so disappointed in myself !! , I am hoping its just a downer induced by still waiting for my period, him working all fucking day during harvest and only having managed to sneak in glorified booty calls as actual visits)

I drove up to visit on Friday and washed his dishes and made dinner and sat about in the strange house until he was done with the harvesting. when he got back it was nice. I was soo tired we just lay on the couch and I WAS truly relaxed and at ease, not thinking uh-oh so thats a bonus. And dont ask me why the fuck I did dishes and cooked like a wife ( he has one of those and I certainly dont do it at home for myself so dunno what the fuck is going on there) Upside is i did totally empty out all my shit on his loungeroom floor and sort through it, I do do that at home.
It was a little weird the next day when he went to work at 6am and I was left in the house in the middle of nowhere till I decided to leave. I think its weird because a) theres none of my stuff there b) hes not there and c) its his wifes parents house and full of mental shit floating about that I dont want or need. I suppose.

Im too tired to elaborate further but thats a mini update I guess. will keep you posted becasue I know theres nothing more fascinating than reading about some dickheads dysfunctional boy dramas.

Love
FG