when do get my maturity ?

response to Knifey's post that was so long winded I decided to use it here today. hurrah.

Yes,

I too am often amazed at the fact that, at nearly 34, I haven’t got my "adult brain" yet; I seriously thought that something was supposed to happen between 18 and now to make me grow up but nope.

I can sense subtle differences within myself eg the way I deal with people, the way I feel about myself, the amount of weight i've put on :( but if I had to chose any one single defining moment I couldn’t.

I had a child at 22, by myself and I’ve pretty much been that way since, due mostly to the fact that a) I won't settle for just anyone and b) I spend a lot of time in the house being mumsy (on the net)which makes it hard to meet anyone at all let alone someone to settle for. Somehow I still manage to have enough interest generated so that I have at least four people that I could ring (but wont) for a booty call

I don’t smoke, don’t play sport and I don’t like hanging around pubs or people in general for that matter)

in a vain attempt (bootless errand, fool's errand, lost cause, merry chase, red herring, snipe hunt, wasted effort, wasted labour, waste of time) to connect with people outside of the home I registered on some online dating sites.

Fuck what a bad idea

I literally ended up writing such alluring statements on my profile as *I don’t like the beach* and *if one more moron sends me a message I am going to scream* still they thought I was joking.

I DONT WANT A BORING BITTER DIVORCED SOMEONES EX-HUSBAND I AM NOT AN EX-WIFE AND I DONT WANT TO "SETTLE DOWN" I JUST WANT SOME COMPANY ON MY JOURNEY IS THERE NO ONE OUT THERE THAT GETS THAT ??

Ahem.

I too look young for my age (some one thought I was 18 last year but I think she left her glasses at home) most people think my daughter is my sister. I don’t FEEL any different on the inside; just a little ripped off that my outside betrays this.

I am facing the prospect that I am going to be alone forever with no one to rub my neck and wash the dishes or provide sex on tap but still it doesn’t bother me as much as thinking that I am alone mentally, that there really isn’t anyone out there that just understands me, sometimes I feel like I live on planet stepford.

Anyhow this is why I am having a great time in blogland. I'm realising that I’m not quite as alone as I thought I was (mentally).

Geez Knifey sorry to rant/hijack I’ll shut up now. And go and post this on my blog cos it’s the most I’ve written in ages.

fg
xx