Hi again,
far out I have been pretty (s)lackadaisical with my postings but I'm back now.
Finally moved house (yes I now it took 6 weeks) and we are settling in pretty well, It took me ages to finally sever ties withthe last place because while working three part time jobs and starting Uni may come easily to some, that fact that I tried to combine them with moving house kinda spazzed me out a bit. Anyway on to todays blog entry,
As most of you reading this would know another Paul has left us. I say another because my Paul, my ex-boyfriend and close friend was killed crossing the road three years ago, thats a whole other blog in itself and I'm almost able to live with that now but another one has gone, Paul Hester from Crowded House hung himself in a park last weekend.
While this shocked me and made me kinda melancholy over the last week it didnt really affect me until I was listening to the tribute on
JJJ last night and promptly proceeded to bawl my eyes out. After wondering what happened I put a bit of thought into it and came up with the following that I posted on to the
FRENZ forum this morning that sums up how I feel about it.
begins->
Hi All, I had to wait for my login to be approved heres my post from yesterday during the jjj tribute . . .
Although I have been reading the forums every day since I heard about Pauls death I didnt think I "deserved" a post of my own here.
I dont have all the albums, Id never been to a concert, I didnt know Paul or any of crowded house personally and i never bought the t-shirt.
Its a bloody hot day here in Adelaide today and after going out this afternoon i had a nap on the couch while I was waiting for the jjj tribute to start. I woke up mid "It's only natural" at about 5.16 and I just started crying It's been 5 songs ...and I'm still crying and it's turned up and yeh those drums sound louder than ever.
After trying to work out why I have been so upset, not being a "real" fan I have realised that It's not about buying the albums or the t-shirts or any of that , its about the fact that I know all of the words, and the fact that they remind me of times, and moments and decades, they are part of me, my exposure to Crowded house has made me MORE me. A previous poster hit the nail on the head when they said it was about being the soundtrack to our Lives....
My first and only crowded house album was purchased when I still got pocket money, and its vinyl and it was $14, and I still have it.
While I had never bought a ticket to a concert I HAD seen Crowded House live, Once at the Grand Prix in Adelaide about a hundred years ago (1987 I was 16).I waded through waist deep,muddy, beer filled,putrid lake water to get to the front of the stage and had a bloody WONDERFUL time, I gashed my foot on some broken glass at the bottom but I didnt care, It was a totally unique and fantastic experience,
I also saw (heard) them again at WOMAD where all I can remember is the chorus from "italian plastic" which I had never heard before or since but it has stuck with me ever since (since i was about three i have always taken a glass of water to bed with me and I remember thinking how nice it would be to have someone that wanted to be my glass of water. silly thought, silly song It doesn't suprise me that Paul wrote it, it just makes it more special)
I am really going to miss the magic that was/is Paul, so many people loved this man and just like me havent realised until now, while I also shed a few tears when I watched the final CH concert on the steps of the Opera House they were nothing like the raw emotion that was tapped today when I really realised it was over, That Paul is gone and everythign is different.
I have told people that Paul has died and they say "oh I heard that" but they dont GET it. I've stopped telling people.
It is so hard to deal with this. I can only Imagine what this time must be like for Paul's close family the people that knew and loved him and I want to take the chance to offer my love to them and acknowledgement of what a wonderful effect Paul has had on my life and to thank them all for sharing him with me.
Wherever you are Paul I hope its better for you because where you have been has made it better for me.
thankyou for giving me somewhere to express my shared grief and offer my thanks
...a friend committed suicide
I could not escape, a plea from the heart
you know what it means to me
->ends
oh yeah,
and the Pope died, he sounds like he was an Interesting guy before he went all papal and I might do a bit of a Bio read but Im not gonna cry about that.
and uhh, if Steve, the guy who gave me and my gashed foot a lift home from the concert in the mud is reading this, I just want to say that I thought you were pretty cute but my "does this guy like me" radar was totally fucked (now its just pretty fucked) you were also 24 and that freaked me out a bit. in retrospect I wish i'd got your number.
Carpe Diem, seize the fuckin day people cos tomorrow it may be seized from you
and if anyone works out how to do this day seizing when you feel like shit please let me know
FG
